Me: Psst.
Common Sense: Really?
Me: Hey. HEY. What are we doing?
CS: I’m delighted you asked.
CS: First we’re finishing some social media work. Then we’re editing those articles and submitting them. After that we’ll clean, and if we have time we’ll head over to the gym.
Me: OK.
CS: It’s going to be a very productive day.
Me: But you know what we COULD do?
CS: I’m sure you’re going to tell me.
Me: NONE of that stuff. None of it.
CS: We need to get this done.
Me: Or we could not get it done. And do other things that are actually enjoyable.
CS: Do these enjoyable things involve shopping?
Me: THEY DO. Also tattoos. And movies. We should get a tattoo, buy new clothes, and then go to the movies.
CS: That is the opposite of what’s going to happen.
Me: What’s the opposite of a tattoo?
CS: … Tattoo removal.
Me: But-
CS: We are a semi-adult person and we are going to get things done today.
Me: Independence Day–
CS: Nope.
Me: Finding Dory–
CS: Sorry.
Me: FINE WE’LL STAY HERE AND DO ADULT THINGS AND BE BORING ADULTS AND NOT HAVE ANY FUN EVER.
CS: You’ll thank me when we’re not living in a cardboard box with a sign that says ‘Will Tweet For Food.’
Me: WILL I?
CAPSLOCKED AND LOADED 